Millennial Manifesto

We are the Millennials.

Entitled, lazy, narcissistic, the Me Me Me Generation.

We are lazy because we see how hard our parents work to gain so little and refuse to be a cog in that machine. We put our energies into things that can't be contained between 9 and 5.

We are entitled because we refuse to just be citizens and demand to be people.

We are narcissistic and, therefore, won't have midlife crises or any of the Top Five Regrets of the Dying. We might be the first generation to live our lives how we want to live them.

We refuse to buy houses because we saw how they imprisoned our parents.

We are technology dependent because we understand relationships are no longer trapped by geography, but can be freed by mutual passions.

We live with our parents because we refuse to add to our years of indentured servitude to our school loans.

We are the Me Generation because we know what the "common good" has brought us: war, recession, NSA, Patriot Act, CAFOs, Comcast, and Monsanto.

We understand a We Generation is just a 1% Generation.

We are young. We will make mistakes. But we have time to figure it out. You're worried about the world you'll be giving us soon. What you don't realize is that world won't work for this generation. It is going to change because society is made up of people and this new group of young people can't live in your society.

Stop calling us the worst generation because we refuse to engage in your societal system. When the only options for new grads is an unpaid internship or competing with financially unstable retirees for retail jobs, can you blame us for trying to find a new way to, not only survive, but to live?

Thank You Letter to 22 Jump Street Filmmakers

To the filmmakers of 22 Jump Street,

I felt completely safe sitting in the movie theater while watching 22 Jump Street and I want to thank you for that. In just about every R-rated, male-centric comedy a women ends up topless. It has always made me uncomfortable, not because I'm seeing a naked female form, but because that female form is being used in a joke.

If the joke was that the female form itself is funny, that'd be one thing, but in most cases the joke is not her naked body but that she is naked. That makes me uncomfortable. What makes me feel unsafe is listening to the laughter and having to sit there, unable to do anything because it was recorded months before.

The second the naked woman appears, it is like the filmmakers are telling me that I may enjoy the movie but it is not made for me. I can laugh, but only if I remember that I am also the joke. Suddenly, sitting in that theater, I am painfully aware that, not only do I not belong, but my body is nothing more than a joke to those laughing at the (usually unknown) actress on screen.

If I am sitting near a man, an involuntary wave of unease usually washes over me and lingers long after the naked woman has left the screen. In a darkened theater with sound-proof walls, I can't help but be a little on edge when I'm reminded my body can be forfeit for nothing more than a quick laugh.

So thank you, 22 Jump Street filmmakers, for making a comedy with male leads without forgetting the female audience. And thank you for keeping the real world and all its problems, especially rape culture, at bay and letting me actually escape for 2 hours. I finally felt like I belonged with all those boys and men and felt wonderfully, blissfully safe.